Mr. Oil Boom

More pipe clearing here. Apologies to anyone who's already read this.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bob: Do Something!
slob: Do what??
b: I don't care, Anything,
Just do It now, no time to think.

s: Oil boom.
b: Oil what?
s: Oil boom.
b: Oil Boom. Who's that? What does he do? Can he help?
s: It, sir. And yes.
b: Throw him in the water!
s: It. And where?
b: ANYWHERE GOD DAMMIT AREN'T YOU LISTENING???

b: Fishermen.
s: What?
b: (urgently, triumphantly)
Fishermen have boats.
They can throw him in the water!
s: It, sir.
b: Get me a fisherman.

b: You there! Fisherman! Take Oil Boom and put him somewhere.
fisher: How does it work?
b: You just throw him in the water and he scares away the oil.
s: It, sir. And we really should find out how to do this prop....
b: Shut up. Don't you want to save the coast??
s: Yes, but sir, we need to tell them h.....
b: (screeches)
JUST THROW IT IN THE WATER!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The most frustrating part of the ongoing BP Oil Catastrophe has been watching our responsible leaders fritter away time and resources on highly visible actions at the expense of highly effective ones. Instead of carefully placing oil boom at the mouths of tidal inlets, we're laying them out in front of sandy beaches, in the surf zone around islands, lashed to bridges and pilings; wherever the darts in the command center hit the map. Instead of carefully planning to deploy the limited boom resources where they would have the maximum effect, and then carefully executing the plan, we tossed all the boom that we had on some oyster boats and said "Go git 'em, boys!"

What a damn waste. A day or two after the first large scale boom deployments, the governor of Alabama started complaining that most of the boom had come free and was washing up on shore. Here in Louisiana, oil has washed right over booms and into pelican rookeries. Videos have surfaced showing booms being overtopped by jet ski wakes. I drove to Pass Christian on Wednesday, and happened to see that their booming strategy was to tie the boom to the bridge. The tide was coming in, and water was actively flowing over the top of the booms.

The epa publishes guides on booming techniques that show how to use booms to deflect oil in fast moving rivers to the banks, where it can be sucked up by vacuum trucks. The guides give a range of deployment configurations for use in different situations. If you can collect oil on only one bank, you use a cascade configuration. If you can collect on both banks, you use a chevron. If you need boats to be able to use the channel while you have it boomed off, you use a staggered chevron. You can consult a chart to determine what the angle of the boom to the shore should be for a particular water speed. These situations are totally analagous to booming off tidal passes, but yesterday we started getting reports that heavy, thick oil was coming through Barataria Pass into Barataria Bay, and to the best of my knowledge there was no boom deployed in the pass itself.

By now half of the world has seen the Oil Booming 101 video and article. (if you haven't, google them. it's worth it) But somehow the message of "fucking proper fucking booming" hasn't filtered up the the yahoos in charge. Oil boom is just about the one resource that we have that we know can work, that does not involve adding extra toxins to the system or involve building made-to-fail sand piles, and that shouldn't really be controversial at all. But as with anything, it only works if it's used properly. We have the manpower. We have the booms. There is no shortage of boats or anchors or rope. The only thing missing seems to be a goddamn plan!

Follow these links to learn more about oil booming than every emergency manager on the Gulf Coast.

Unique Challenges of Booming Fast Flowing Rivers: Boom Deployment Techniques and Strategies
http://www.epa.gov/oem/docs/oil/fss/fss04/c_oskins2_04.pdf

Applying Faster Water Booming Techniques to Coastal Environments: Booming The Bolinas Lagoon Preserve
http://www.epa.gov/oem/docs/oil/fss/fss09/oskinsbooma.pdf

Oil Spill Response in Fast Currents - A Field Guide
http://www.epa.gov/OEM/docs/oil/fss/fss02/hansenpaper.pdf

Massachusetts DEP Oil Spill Training
http://www.mass.gov/dep/cleanup/os/Pages/Boom-Deploy.html